To the mom at school this morning fighting to get your kid out of the car…

I saw you…I felt your pain, and I am familiar with mornings like that as well.

It is hard to parent in those moments, that’s for sure…and I know what it’s like to walk away from school feeling like a failure for not doing it right.

I wanted to run over and hug you this morning because those times are so discouraging…

I’m sure you were worried about what other parents were thinking, and that you were at your wit’s end trying to get your kid into school while also trying to avoid creating a scene for onlookers…

This mom thing is so hard, right??

I wish I could find you this morning and tell you that you are doing a good job…

That as long as you stay consistent, it will get better…

I wish I could tell you all about the mornings that we’ve had like that…

And how many less-than-perfect moments I’ve had…

Yes, we saw you today.

You know that much…

But what you don’t know is that I smiled at my little one and squeezed her little hand to say, We’ve been there, huh?

She smiled in silent agreement and I told her how proud I was…of both of us.

Don’t get me wrong though…I get it.  Right now, it seems like things will never get better…that it will never get easier and that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

But I hope that you remember this, bad day does not equal bad mom.

These days are hard, but you’re doing great…

I can’t find you to tell you this in person, but I hope you can feel it.

And I hope you know that I’m over here cheering for you from the sidelines telling you that it will be okay and that the light is coming soon.

Solidarity, Sister.

Sincerely,

The other mom in the school lot


wish I could say that this would’ve always been my response…

But the truth is, there was a time when I would’ve looked at this whole situation with much…ahem…judgier eyes.

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Hashtag, I used to be a Mean Girl…

Hashtag, mom shaming…

Hashtag, it’s toxic…

Hashtag, it needs to stop.

If there is one thing that women are collectively great at, it’s tearing one another down…

And when we become mothers we take our mean-girlness to a whole new level.

But it’s time to learn a new way.

So to quiet my own inner Regina George, this is the quote I’ve been holding onto…

We don’t build the tallest building in town by tearing down all of the other buildings. -Gary Vaynerchuck Click To Tweet

We build the tallest building by simply putting our heads down and working hard on ourselves…brick by brick.

And when we stop that hard work to play the comparison game, it puts a hold on all construction.

Sure, it may feel good for a moment…that little high we get from trading gossip for “connection” with another person…

But here’s the truth:  Using someone else’s information as a currency to trade with others is not cool, it’s not classy, and it’s not okay.

It is so much more powerful for her (and for you) if you bypass mom-shaming and give her some encouragement instead.

Let’s be honest, it’s easy to give eye rolls and judgments, but what isn’t easy is practicing compassion…and telling our inner mean girl to sit down and shut up.

But when we choose courage over criticism, we make the world a better place. Click To Tweet

So next time you see a mom who isn’t living her best moment, don’t turn to mom shaming…

Instead of making her the next viral meme, choose courage…choose a smile…choose to stand behind her to lift her up.

When you do, you’ll build the tallest building in town.

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