Well, you’re not alone. Women all over the globe are plagued with husbands who don’t seem to hear a word they say.
But, take heart, because I’m here to help you out of this cycle.
What if I told you that I have the secret that will get your husband to listen when you talk?
I bet I’ve got your attention now…Am I right?
Yep, I do, indeed, have the secret that will cure his case of Ignoresies for good. And the best part is, you don’t have to get him to attend some expensive training or use Jedi mind tricks. 🙂
Before I share the secret with you, let’s me say this: As women, we have a tendency to cut our beloved beaus down and label them as “horrid listeners.” We say they are “unreliable” or that they have “selective hearing,” but I’m here to help dispel these stereotypical man-labels, because, as it turns out, it isn’t their fault.
I know. That wasn’t what you were expecting.
But bear with me and let’s keep digging.
A couple of years ago I listened to a podcast here that woke me up to the differences between men and women and how they operate. The featured guest, Alison Armstrong, has spent her career studying these differences.
As I listened to her talk, I felt the light bulb come on.
Her teachings have been a complete game changer for me. Not only do I understand my own operating system better now, but I also better understand how men work.
You see, unlike our current culture would have us believe, men and women are NOT the same. That does not mean that one is less than the other. It does, however, mean that there are major differences in how we communicate, listen, and accomplish tasks.
This, in turn, means that in order to work together, men and women need to have a good working knowledge of each other’s operating systems.
So, let me give you a very basic overview. Here we go.
Differences in Operating Systems
Men run on testosterone. Testosterone produces intense focus. This means that men are excellent at focusing on one thing and accomplishing the heck out of it. They were built for that.
Women, on the other hand, run on estrogen. An estrogen operating system produces what is called “diffused awareness.” This means that as women, we are very capable of focusing on everything all at once. We were created to, quite literally, do it all.
Because of these differences, as women, we often find ourselves saying, “You NEVER listen!!” But as it turns out, that’s not the case.
This is where it breaks down: Both men and women communicate in the way that makes sense to them.
As women, we talk to men, who are driven by their testosterone to be 100% focused on another task, and expect them to listen as we would.
If we were talking to another woman, that would work fine, but because we are talking to a man, it fails and conflict ensues.
He is already 100% vested in another task, whether he’s working, reading, or just playing xbox. Sure, he may respond, “Okay” or “Sure,” but the truth is, he has no idea that you even said anything.
So instead of blaming or casting harmful labels, here is what you should do: When you need his attention, make sure you have his complete focus. Don’t tell him about something important or remind him that this Saturday is Granny’s 90th birthday party. He will never even remember that you mentioned it.
Try this instead:
“Hey Babe. I need to tell you something. Can I have your focus for a minute?” Then wait until you have it. The truth is, if you have his focus, he can move mountains for you. And you won’t fight a losing battle in competing for his attention.
Best of all, you won’t ever have the “You never listen” fight again.